Monday, May 9, 2016

Licensed to Ill

Hola y'all!

Sorry for no weekly email last week, I was sick! I mean siiiiiiick. I got a sinus infection like in my ear or something and the drainage gave me a sore throat/awful chest-squeezing cough. Then for some reason I got a fever last Saturday and it lasted until this past Wednesday (high of 103.6! 🙆). I was a big boy and went to the urgent care all by myself (with my companion) and filled out paperwork and insurance information by myself (with my companion's help) and I picked up prescriptions at  Walgreens all by myself (my companion had to show me where the pharmacy was). I'm always so excited to show how independent I am when I write home. Anyway I'm pretty much back to 100% now, I just have to keep pill popping all of these drugs til my ear stops leaking.

So we were stuck inside for I think 5 days. From Saturday (4/30) to Thursday (5/5) we didn't go out because I was barely alive. At the times when I was a little more coherent, we would play games like Rummikub or Mormon-opoly. At the times when I wasn't, I was sleeping and my companion was banging his head against his desk.

I can't remember if I ever told this story, but here in SC we have this narsty store called Deal Mart that sells expired food for really cheap. My companion loves it because caramel popcorn from Christmas time 2014 is his favorite snack. I don't love it. BUT we were in there a little while ago and there was a whole wall of Girl Scout Cookies!! Cases and cases! In each case there is 12 packs, and each pack usually sells for $4 each. So each case is worth about $50. Well since it was Deal Mart, they were selling the cases for only FIVE DOLLARS. So you're saving like $45. $5 for 12 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies heck yeah. And they were flying off the shelves. I guess someone had mentioned it on Facebook and it turned into Black Friday. We couldn't find the Samoas and we were sad but a manager took us into the back and showed they had like 10 boxes left. Miracles. He told us they had already sold like 600 boxes and they had only been open for 3 hours. They probably sold thousands by the end of the day. I guess some ministry had a bunch left over and just donated them to Deal Mart???? I don't know who would do that but I do know that I have enough samoas and Tagalongs at my apartment that they can last my entire mission.

Here's a fun thing: our apartment complex is infested with geese. I fed some of them girl scout cookies, which was cool at first. But then they started choking a lil so we high tailed it out of there (that's South Carolina speak for we ran away). Geese are crazy. They hiss at you if you get too close. I swear they're just snakes wearing chicken costumes. So usually living with the geese is awful, we have to check our shoes for poop every morning and night. But it's been worthwhile the last couple weeks because they had babies! These little fluffly yellow babies are just being shepherded all over the complex by their mom and dad. I tried to pet one but the parents both went into hiss mode and tried to take me down. I don't even care, their babies have gotten bigger now and they actually look like geese so they're ugly. It was fun while it lasted.

Speaking of snakes: the worst prank ever. So the Simpsonville 1st ward elders (we're the 2nd ward elders) are in the other zone but they live real near by and they decided to play this prank on us. I guess they hit a snake with their car and I guess it was black and like 5 feet long and I guess they took it and decided to hide it in our bathroom. They were hanging out at our apartment really late at night and we were like hey go home. One of the elders went and used the bathroom (with his backpack on) and then they left. Well I guess they left their surprise guest coiled up on the ground next to the toilet.
Luckily my companion went in there first. He just stood there and stared for a second. He was like "what is this" and I was like "what" and he was like "they put a fake snake in here" and I was like "noooo" and he was like "actually it's real" and I was like "noooooooo" and I high tailed it out of there (SC talk again). I hid on my bed and my companion picked it up by the tail and put it in a grocery bag and we went and threw it in the dumpster. We went back and disinfected the area. But that is like not cool at all. I love pranks but why would you try and initiate a prank war with literally the grossest possible thing ever?????? Anyway the other 2nd ward elders were in on it (they gave the 1st ward elders the key in our apartment) and they asked if we found our special guest. Well we hate them now because why would you let them do that. So we are just pretending we don't know what they're talking about. Elder Creamer spent like 20 minutes going through our apartment. "I know there's a dead snake in here somewhere. Maybe they're double pranking you and they came back in and took it out because there was a dead snake in your bathroom." haha serves them right. I really love lying and this was such a good opportunity to flex my lying muscle (missionaries are supposed to be honest. But missionaries also aren't supposed to put dead snakes in other missionaries' bathrooms so I through my usual conduct out the door). Haha when they "revealed" the prank to us I said "why would you let them do that?" so I could make them feel awful without giving them the satisfaction of knowing we found it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA the serpent didn't beguile us today! 🐍🐍👊

But yeah we're going to be taking our key back from them because I don't know what I would have done if I was the one that found it. I probably would have gone into shock for real.

Well that's all I have to talk about this week, I was so happy to Skype with my family on Sunday and I was so sad to not be able to talk to them for more than 3 minutes at a time. Oh well, there's always Christmas. You hear that family? You have 7 months to get a real man's internet connection, I'm sick of coming from a dial-up family 😁😉

To finish off I will send the only picture I took in the last two weeks: in case you're still not convinced how ghetto/white trash our area is, I took a picture of a bag of Arby's STAPLED to the roof of a less active's porch. Round here we call it a Palmetto Birdfeeder. Or I do at least.

Stay fresh folks and stand up for what you believe in (unless you believe in only sitting down) 🖖🖖🖖


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